What was surprising to me was that when I did finally have a boyfriend on this day, I did not care anymore. I did not want a card or a gift. I became suddenly aware of the Hallmark sales pitch, the diamond commercials and the social pressures I spent most of my life avoiding.
Today, I think about this day in a different light. I have been married for 14 years last month. I married a Christian. This is a little surprising because I was raised Jewish. But religion had absolutely nothing to do with our decision to get married or the marriage ceremony. We went to City Hall together to get our marriage license. We hired a Justice of the Peace out of the phone book to perform our small ceremony at a local restaurant surrounded by immediate family and a few friends. Religion never played into it at all.
So when I read about Saint Valentine on wikipedia in honor of the day, I was intrigued to learn that the origin and identity of this saint of the Catholic Church is unclear. It may refer to a group of people who helped Christians in the Roman Empire when it was illegal to do so. Some of them even married Christians (gasp). Here is just a small clip from the entry.
The first representation of Saint Valentine appeared in the Nuremberg Chronicle (1493); alongside the woodcut portrait of Valentine, the text states that he was a Roman priest martyred during the reign of Claudius II, known as Claudius Gothicus. He was arrested and imprisoned upon being caught marrying Christian couples and otherwise aiding Christians who were at the time being persecuted by Claudius in Rome. Helping Christians at this time was considered a crime.
How appropriate that today we celebrate such martyrs during the height of the battle for marriage equality for same sex couples. The very church that celebrates the righteous acts of those who stood for love in the face of oppression has turned its back on love and has fought against legal equality outside of the church.
There was a time when I would not have been able to marry my husband in any church or synagogue. There was a time when no church would have married a couple of different races. But here in the United States, we have come to hold love and human dignity above such trite bigotry. We have advanced human rights.
If religion had nothing to do with my ability to marry, then why are religious leaders so opposed to legal marriage for same sex couples? No church, synagogue, mosque or temple can be forced to recognize or collaborate in civil marriage. If they could separate law from religion this would not be an issue. Alas, many people are not able to separate them. And for this reason, millions of people are being denied the same rights and responsibilities I have been honored to share with my husband.
But many within the religious community to recognize the sanctity of same sex unions in the eyes of their god. They have boldly led where the rest of us will one day follow. To name just a small handful...
Rev. J. Brad Benson, an episcopal Priest in Bath, NY who married his partner Carl Johengen with the blessing of Rochester Bishop Prince Singh, retired Bishop Jack McKelvey, and Maine Bishop Stephen Lane.
The Reverends Dawn Sangrey and Kay Greenleaf were charged for illegally marrying same sex couples in New Paltz, NY in 2004.
The Reverend Sam Trumbore of Albany, NY who marries same sex couples and was part of the lawsuit against New York State’s discriminatory marriage laws that were unfortunately upheld by the Court of Appeals.
All the clergy who are part of Clergy United for Marriage.
So today, on Valentines Day, I would like to celebrate the lives of those who are breaking this barrier and taking a lead in restoring equality and human rights to same sex couples.
Celebrate with me by contacting your elected representatives on the state and federal level, wherever you live. If you live in new York State, start here.
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