The Epic Battle: Ketchup vs. Mustard

I grew up on Long Island, NY, with a very specific food culture. Were I grew up, there were delis specializing in home cured deli meats, sausages, and salads, frying up egg sandwiches from the grill. Bakeries specializing in things like bowties, challah, and real crusty Italian bread. I grew up and even worked in bagel stored serving big, glossy, chewy, hot bagels, and pizza parlors serving pies with thin, crisp, yet chewy crust, oozing with cheese. (If you're not hungry yet, you will be).

I grew up where mustard is served on Nathan's Hotdogs and ketchup is served on All-American Hamburgers and French Fries. We drank soda in cans. All was orderly in the world.

When my family traveled outside the tri-state metro area, we were greeted by the oddities of different American food culture. We visited places where pop was sipped from a tin. We found subs instead of heros. But worst of all was the first bite of a burger from a fast food stop. The surprising addition of mustard to our burgers was the most horrifying thing we could think of.

We quickly adapted and learned to order our burgers without mustard in out thick Lawn-guyland accents. Ketchup is sweet and salty, a glorious addition to a fatty burger to create the holy trinity of food addiction. You can add cheese. You can add lettuce or tomato. But really, it has to be ketchup.

Fortunately, hotdogs were more of a self-serve food item. Mustard for hotdogs is about spice and acid. The salty more sweet versions take to a brown spicy mustard that cuts the fat with a sharp tangy boost. Adding the sweet of ketchup just makes it taste like a lollipop on a bun.

Is what they say true? You can't teach an old dog new tricks? Would the foods of my childhood always remain my favorites? Or can we learn to appreciate the flavors that once repelled us?

Now that I have reached a time in my life when I have lived Upstate as many years as I have lived in Massapequa, I have eaten plenty of different kinds of burgers and dogs. I've taken the time to try burgers with mustard, pickles, even blue cheese. I've tried my dogs with a combo of mustard and ketchup. I get it now. A sharp, spicy mustard cuts the fat as a tart pickle would. It adds a layer of flavor beyond the trinity. I might even say it elevates it.

But I won't. While I can appreciate mustard on my burger, I don't want it there. Give me sloppy, sweet and salty ketchup. Heck, I'd even prefer barbecue sauce to mustard. While I won't turn down a burger with mustard, I'm not really interested in switching.

Ketchup for burgers. Mustard for hot dogs. Hands down.