On entertaining

It has been a VERY long time since I have had a guest over for dinner at my home. Something like three years.

It makes me sad to think about it. I love to cook and take care of friends. Making cocktails and munchies, finding the perfect playlist, and preparing a special meal. Laughter and good times. I'd grill veggies, create a mini fiesta of tacos and burritos, shrimp with couscous, and all sorts of things. I miss entertaining and hosting terribly. Sitting on the couch with a glass of wine and talking until midnight.

But life has been extremely complicated. And the longer the break from entertaining, the more distant the idea, the messier the house got. The messier the house, the more daunting the idea of cleaning. It became a terrible cycle that needed to be broken. And there's a little bit of shame and embarrassment thrown in there too.

Life throws things at you sometimes that you can't handle with the grace and strength you thought you had. But it's okay. Because I think in losing part of myself, I found another part I did not know existed. The part who is patient, and kinder, and more strategic. I became more appreciative of friends who have stuck by me, and who have been kind and patient.

And now I'm letting go of things that keep me down. Letting go of some of the fears that kept me from my friends and family. Not caring about things that used to make me cry. I started by cleaning. One room. Then another. Then, to get me over the hump, I just did it. I invited a good and understanding friend over for dinner. And with a little help from hubby, made the house presentable.

Homemade tortilla chips and mango salsa. Margaritas. Vegetarian burritos and braised brussel sprouts. Good conversation. All the things that make me happy. I'm so glad I got here.